Josephine Eloise

Josephine Eloise

 

I’m having a baby next year.  

 

I know because I felt it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A feeling

 

 a hunch

 

 

 

 

 

Some might call it mother’s intuition. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And there it was, a faint, subtle line with a momentous presence. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laundry. 

 

Daycare. 

 

Dinner. 

 

Dishes. 

 

Nausea. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a baby next year. 

 

I know because I saw it. 

 

 

 

 

 

Joy

 

Excitement 

 

 

 

(Fear)

 

 

 

 

Eloise? 

     He’s not sold. 

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

Josephine? 

     

     

 

 

It’s …nice 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a baby next year. 

 

I know because I saw it. 

 

I’m having a baby next year

I’m having a baby next year

I’m having a baby next year

 

I am having 

 

A baby 

 

 

Next year. 

 

 

 

I know, because I saw it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laundry. 

 

Daycare. 

 

Dinner. 

 

Dishes.

 

Nausea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a miscarriage, I think. 

 

I know because I saw it. 

 

 

 

 

 

Bed rest. 

 

 

 

 

 

(Failure). 

 

(Shame). 

 

 

 

Grief. 

 

 

 

 

Confusion. 

 

 

 

 

But…

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a baby next year. 

 

I know because I saw it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Needles. 

 

Laundry.

 

Daycare.

 

Dinner. 

 

Dishes. 

 

Nausea. 

 

 

 

 

Sweet relief…  Still pregnant. 

 

 

 

 

 

Exhale. 

 

 

 

 

Weeks go by and I’m consumed 

 

Needles.

 

Labs.

 

Laundry. 

 

Daycare. 

 

Dinner. 

 

Dishes. 

 

Excitement*. 

 

Nausea. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

*risky, but allowed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a miscarriage tomorrow. 

 

I know, because I planned it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Empty screen. 

     (again)

 

 

 

 

Options. 

 

Nature. 

     Spontaneity, not favorable.  

     

 

Surgery?

     Not again. Not. ready.  

 

 

 

 

Medicine? 

     My terms. At home. Sounds…nice?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a miscarriage tomorrow. 

 

I know, because I planned it. 

 

 

 

 

My body continues the transformation, blissfully ignorant. 

 

 

Breasts full

 

Belly swollen 

 

 

 

 

A mind fuck of epic proportions. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laundry.

 

Daycare. 

 

Dinner. 

 

Dishes. 

 

Nausea. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a miscarriage tomorrow. 

 

 

I know because I planned it. 

 

 

I’m having a miscarriage tomorrow. 

I’m having a miscarriage tomorrow. 

I’m having a miscarriage tomorrow. 

 

I am having 

 

A miscarriage

 

tomorrow. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know, because I planned it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a miscarriage today. 

 

I know, because I planned it. 

 

 

 

 

 

7:40am.  Pills.  

 

Trepidation. Hesitation. 

 

Just get it over with. 

 

 

 

 

 

Hours of nervous rest peppered with 

 

 

contractions.  

 

 

 

 

Labor. 

     (a familiar sensation.) 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m having a miscarriage today. 

I’m having a miscarriage today.

I’m having a miscarriage today. 

 

 

 

I’m 

 

 

Having 

 

A MISCARRIAGE 

 

Today. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laundry.

 

Daycare. 

 

Dinner. 

 

Dishes. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Her name was Josephine Eloise. 

 

I know, because we planned it.

Baby Number Two?

Baby Number Two?

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But, He Doesn't Look Disabled...