All in Pregnancy and Motherhood
…”Here’s the thing. This is going to sound like I’m whining and complaining about my son making progress. This is not the case. This is me, being terrified, worried, and anxious about what my family’s future is going to look like. This is real. And, as you’ve seen in my writing before, there is a constant mix of emotions when you’re in a situation like mine…”
“The truth is, life is always complicated. Sometimes more so, sometimes less so. We can not control the fact that there are so many layers to life. That joy coexists with grief, loss, and suffering. That three steps forward can also mean ten steps back. That you won’t always get help when you need it, that you won’t always feel strong, and that you will inevitably feel exhausted. I think, if we can accept these facts, and learn how we cope with these moments — then we can make our lives less messy, less complicated than before…”
Adventures in learning how to walk.
“…Two years into being a stay at home mom, it's dawned on me that I don't think I am stay at home mom material. I love my son more than anything in the world, and his appointments used to keep us extremely busy. But now, things are slowing down (knock on wood), he spends two full days at school every week, and - don't get me wrong, I love all the snuggles, but he needs more and so do I…”
“Its been said that my son’s sense of time is just like mine. I’m the “early is on time, on time is late” kind of gal and when Oscar made his debut 5 weeks ahead of time, my friends made it a point to say how he got it from me...”
"...Day by day, it’s become more and more clear that our priorities are in constant motion depending on our circumstances..."
"...The questions I have to ask myself regarding having a second child are daunting. The questions I have to ask our doctors about our future in general are daunting. There are lots of worries, hopes, and concerns when raising children, but throw multiple chronic illnesses in the mix and the future looks a lot scarier..."
"...Soon after [his birth], I would be handing him off to surgeons, specialists, nurses, and therapists -- all who presented me with more information than I could have ever dreamed of in the realm of development. It became very clear early on, that I had no clue what I was doing. These people had multiple degrees, continuing education, and practical knowledge in how to raise children like my son, but I was a blank slate..."
..."This was the first time we were around a child who was developmentally appropriate for his age. I suddenly felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on my head. This little boy wanted to play with my son, but all he could do was lay there. He wasn’t sitting yet, and he hated being on his belly. His delays were suddenly glaringly obvious — a new feeling for me. So this is where we are supposed to be? These seemingly simple milestones seemed so, so far..."
"...I stared at my closet full of hangers and bins of my pre-baby clothes and accessories that I kept in the event that I would ever fit into them again. And while many clothes were quite close to zipping, I found my inner Joan Rivers saying, "just because it zips doesn't mean it fits..."
"...It is simply my job to do what I must to keep my chronically ill child as healthy and happy as possible, and that does not require understanding why..."
"...at the end of the day, we are just a mom and a kid who need a little extra help sometimes...."
The last letter to family and friends before delivering my baby.
It's somewhere around 1:00am, and I'm a ball of confusion and sleep deprivation. I'm nervous thinking what the test results will be, meanwhile, I've apparently given consent for a test that's going to affect kidney function, and I feel like one big failure of a mother. After a long pause while our technician calls in for test results, we finally have an answer..."
The second in a series of letters to family and friends regarding our abnormal ultrasounds.
"...Acceptance doesn't mean I've given up hope. It means I've come to terms with a certain possible outcome while simultaneously working towards another..."
Sharing the news of an abnormal ultrasound